After writing my last post, I decided I'd had enough (again). Things are obviously not working for me. I opened up My Fitness Pal and started an account. After playing around with entering my food for the day, I made a bold decision and decided I was going to cancel my Weight Watchers Online membership. I had been holding on to it for years, not using it, all because I wanted to keep my weight log history. Well, there was an easy solution to that. I opened an Excel document and started entering my weekly weigh-ins all the way back from 2009.
That was an emotional roller coaster. Typing my weekly weigh-ins in a matter of minutes. Watching the first 20 pounds melt off in 2009. Then seeing me stall out in the 220s for a year. Then I dropped another 30 pounds in 2010. I bet you can guess what happened in 2010 - I started Zumba and created my blog. And then as I entered my weight in the spreadsheet for the next two years, I watched as the same six pounds came off and on. Seriously, I'm kind of an emotional mess right now.
Then I did it. I went to the Weight Watchers web site and cancelled my membership. I wasn't sure if I would be able to cancel online, but a few clicks later and my four year relationship was over.
Then I panicked and called Jim. We had a quick talk and of course I felt better. He's my biggest cheerleader. He encouraged me to get back to exercise. We both know that's what I need most right now. It is going to be the key to my success. But I have a lot of head trash going on with exercise that I just need to get over and deal with.
As you can imagine, things are going pretty well for me right now. The newness of using a new weight loss tool is exciting. But I'm already starting to panic about what happens after the honeymoon phase is over. But I can't stress about what will happen in a few weeks. I need to focus on right now.
I do have to say I really like MFP though. It's such a welcome change to go from tracking WW points to counting calories. The biggest difference is tracking fruit and veggies - those were free points with WW but not with MFP. Surprisingly it makes me crave them more - which is a good thing.
Emotionally I'm already so far from where I was when I wrote that cookie post last week. It's amazing to me how our minds and motivation work. Last week I felt like there was no way I could crawl out of the weight loss funk I was in and today I'm excited to be doing this. For that reason alone I should always get back up after I fall down. No matter how many times it happens, I always feel better emotionally when I'm trying. I get so down when I don't care.
And you know what else, I have to keep blogging. A lot of times I feel like I'm just writing for myself and no one reads it, but I know that's not true. I have a few faithful readers (hi everyone) and I know that my words help them - wherever they may be in their journey. I have friends that tell me they are exactly where I am and it's comforting to know we aren't alone and I have friends that are doing awesome and can give me words of encouragement to keep going. This is selfish but please keep telling me that you like it when I write. It helps me more than you can imagine - knowing you care about how I'm doing and that in some tiny way what I write here may help you too!