The last three weeks have been spent away from home, away from the gym and away from healthy eating. As of yesterday I was 16 pounds over my lowest weight so far on this journey. Even though I'm still technically 40 pounds lighter than I was in 2009, that 16 pounds feels like 100 pounds right now.
So what am I doing about it? Well, I'm more motivated than I've been in a long time. I planned to journal my progress but not publish it. The honest reason was I was afraid I would fail and I didn't want to fail in front of you guys yet again. But I decided today that I'm going to write about my experiences - for a few reasons - one being I personally know some people that are going through the exact same thing as I am right now and I thought it might be helpful for them to know they're not alone. But mostly I'm doing it for me.
Therefore, I wanted to let you know the voice of this blog, my blog, will be different than what you're used to reading. I will be writing to myself - journaling how I'm feeling and what I'm doing. Talking to myself about my goals. I will keep it positive - because that's what I need to be successful. This is what I need right now and I'm sure it will evolve to whatever I need, whenever I need, but this is what I think is best right now. So if diary reading isn't your thing, then you may want to check back in a few weeks.
Yesterday was tough. I knew it would be. I slept in and knew we would be going to church in a couple of hours and then to lunch with Mom and Dad. I thought about skipping breakfast since lunch wasn't too far off, but I'm not one to miss a meal. I had half a bagel thin with pb and honey. I got on the scale for the first time in weeks. I thought it would be around 205 and prayed it wouldn't be above that number. I picked McAlister's for lunch because I knew I would be safe with a veggie spud but when we were walking into the restaurant I told Jacob I wouldn't be getting the nachos for us to split like we normally do. He was so disappointed and asked why and that was a good enough excuse for me give into the nachos. At this point I still thought I was doing well because according to McAlister's nutritional info the nachos were only 12 points. WELL, I checked their site last night and they've updated their info and now the nachos are 21 points. I was disappointed but didn't let it get me down because I was motivated and knew I had the points to cover it.
I spend a lot of time cleaning my bathroom yesterday and the thought of going to the grocery store made me want to take a nap, but I knew it had to be done so I picked out a few recipes and put a list together. I included the cucumber salad I made a few weeks ago, that easy chicken dish, and Kim's recipe for the Hawaiian BBQ crock pot chicken. I felt really proud of myself at the store as I loaded up on veggies and healthy snacks. I got a text from Stacey while I was there with a picture of her menu for the week. I'm so glad we are starting back at this together. It's really nice to have someone at work to be able to talk to about this stuff. She's really motivated too. Last night we had fish stick tacos. I only made one for myself and finished the two bites of Jacob's that he didn't want. I had a cup of the cucumber salad and was still hungry. I was pretty much hungry all day, but I knew I would be. I have been eating SO much lately that it's going to take awhile for my stomach to shrink down or whatever it is that it does. I ended up having a Greek yogurt before bed and finished the day with 45 points. 31 is my daily target now.
This morning when I put on my work pants they were really tight. It's amazing what a difference five pounds makes. I want to get back under 200 as soon as I can. But overall today is going well. I've had 18 points so far with breakfast, snack and lunch. I'm feeling pretty full and confident. Stacey stopped by earlier and we talked about how we're doing. Tonight I'm going to Geraldine's class and I'm really nervous. It's going to be tough to keep up. Hopefully she'll do some of her old routines. I'm going to miss her class when Gracie starts ballet on Mondays.
So I was thinking about goals on my way to work this morning. I don't want to tie myself to weekly numbers because I've failed at that the last few times I've tried. I did reschedule my annual exam for Aug. 22. I didn't want to go this week because of my weight gain. It's been a long time since I've felt that way about going to the doctor and I don't like it at all. So my short term goal is to get as close to 194 as I can which is what I weighed at my exam last year. I expect a really big loss this week. I was down a pound this morning. So this is very doable. My next goal is for my meeting at the beginning of October. I want to be able to comfortable fit into this dress again. I was at 190 in that photo. I have to buy a suit for the meeting and I want to look awesome in it.