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Going Back

An actual blog post! That must mean I did something right. And I did. I actually exercised last night.

The last time I had exercised was May 20 to a Zumba DVD at home. The last group class I took was May 14. Until I looked at my calendar just now I didn't realize it had been over five weeks since I exercised. Here's how it happened. It started out with legitimate reasons why I couldn't make it to class - end of the school year activities, dance practices and recitals. Which turned into making up excuses for not going, such as not thinking it was fair to the kids to make them go to child watch after being at day camp all day. Which turned into just not wanting to go to class and not bothering to make excuses.

I could feel it. Not so much in my clothes. Although I've noticed I'd been avoiding certain outfits because I was afraid things would be too snug. But more in just how I felt. I've been so tired all the time and I know it's because I haven't been working out. There have been many nights when I've gone to bed at 9:30 p.m. and still woke up tired. That doesn't happen when I work out consistently. And although I'm only a couple of pounds heavier I can see and feel a difference in my face and body. And of course that has got me down.

I knew this was the week I had to go back. The kids are at overnight camp and there is absolutely no reason for me not to go. I managed to make up an excuse not to go Monday. But on the way home from work Tuesday night I was struggling to find an excuse. The kids were gone, Jim had an appointment. There was a 7 p.m. and 8 p.m. Zumba class at the YMCA. But I just didn't want to go. I didn't know why.

When I got home I checked Facebook and one of my FB friends had posted that there was a free Zumba class at my church at 6:30 p.m. Before I could think about it I responded to her post with "I'll be there."

Ok - so what just happened there? I think I realized I was scared to go back to the Y and not be able to keep up in class. I was scared about not knowing the new routines. I was just plain scared.

For some reason I thought since it was a free class at my church that it might be a little slower paced. Boy was I wrong. The instructor was actually one of the girls from the YMCA so I knew most of her routines which I was really happy about. There is instant confidence when you know the routine.

But man did I struggle. I remember looking back at the clock and seeing we were only half way through the class and being worried that I wouldn't make it through. I was breathing hard and struggling to keep up. But I did it. And of course I felt great. I had that instant exercise high and was really happy. This morning I'm sore and loving the feeling.

But I think the best part of this whole experience happened before I even went to the class. After I posted on FB that I was going to the class I went downstairs to find my workout clothes. And when I put them on it was what I imagine a superhero would feel like putting on their superhero clothes. There was an instant change in me when I put them on. It felt so good. It felt familiar. When I laced up my tennis shoes I was ready to go. There was no excuse in the world to keep me from working out.

To me it's important that when I go awhile between exercising that when I do go back I consider it "going back" and not "starting over." For someone who spent their entire 20s and early 30s with absolutely no exercise it means a lot to me that I've exercised every month since September 2009. All those years of getting home from work and not even considering exercise. Although I still struggle every day with this wellness journey I know that I will never be that person again. Even through the peaks and valleys I will always know I will go back.

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