Note to Self for November 2011

Original posted 1/1/11

Note to Self for November 2011

Dear Self,

December is going to be really, really hard for you wellness wise. You'll breeze by Thanksgiving and think you'll have no problem with December, but you will be wrong.

You know you don't do well when your routines are out of sorts and during December routines are totally out the window. You will be stressed with too much to do and not enough time. You will feel guilty about not spending enough time with the kids and you will try to do it all and not succeed.

You will do fine at work. You will be able to resist the coffee cake and chocolate and cookies that are on the nook outside your office.

Your biggest temptations will be at home and with your lack of time. Don't buy cookies "for the kids" don't keep sweets from the party "for the kids." Because they won't stick around long enough "for the kids" to eat them.

Your word for the month of December should be "PLAN." Know you will be short on time and will be tempted to take the easy way out and go through the drive through. You'll give up your time at the grocery store for a fun evening at the local Mexican restaurant. Plan better than that.

The best thing you can do is to not take part in your "normal" weekly splurges like Five Guys on Friday night because of all the other parties that you will be going to.

You need exercise. You need it physically and mentally. You won't have time to go to your classes like you usually do. You'll work your calendar around so you think you'll be able to go, but life will come up and you won't go. PLAN. Get workout dvds in the house for the month of December so you can do them after the kids go to bed. You will feel better when you do.

And most importantly keep everything in perspective. You've felt like a wellness failure this entire month, but when you look back at your weight on Nov. 26 (194.4) and Dec. 31 (196.2) you only gained 1.8 pounds. Only 1.8 pounds. You can take that off in a week no problem. Maybe instead of waisting so much time beating yourself up you could have just accepted that December is a hard month for you, acknowledge that you'll never give up, that you'll never throw in the towel during December and just start over in January - that's just not your style. And instead, enjoy your crazy, busy life during the month of December for what it's worth.

Love,
Me

Just Slow Down

This is a crazy busy time of year for me at work. I sent my coworker Stacey an e-mail the other day telling her that I was having old feelings of wanting to deal with the stress of being busy at work by eating it away with brownies and cookies.

Since the marathon last week (has it only been a week?) I've been trying my hardest to clean up my eating. I went back to Zumba and felt awesome. And I'm happy to report that I'm down two pounds this week (there was a lot of carb loading last week).

But it still hard. Man it's hard. It's hard to make the right decisions every single time. It's a lot of pressure.

I haven't been to the grocery store which is mistake number one. I finished off the bag of bagels I had at the office earlier this week and yesterday morning I just had some instant oatmeal for breakfast.

On the way into work this morning I debated stopping at Chick-fil-A and battled with myself over what I would get. I kept thinking I'd stick with their oatmeal or yogurt, but man that breakfast burrito sure sounded good.

I decided to just go to the office and have instant oatmeal again. I walked into the kitchen to get my stuff and then I saw it. A tray of leftover brownies from Paradise Bakery. I could smell them through the container.

Usually I'm pretty good about saying no to sweets at work, but with everything going on I had the overwhelming urge to grab one, wrap it in a napkin and sneak it to my desk. Luckily one of my co-workers was in the kitchen with me so I was too embarrassed to follow through with my plan.

I made my oatmeal and headed back to my desk. But I was still thinking about that brownie. I started a debate in my head to justify eating it. I said I could just skip the oatmeal, have the brownie for breakfast and just eat "good" the rest of the day. It couldn't be that bad could it? I could start to taste the brownie already.

But here's what I did right. I looked up the WW points for the brownie BEFORE I ate it. Paradise doesn't have their nutritional information online, but from what I could find I was looking at 17 points for that one brownie. Over half a days points for something that would make me hungry in 30 minutes and make me feel bad about myself for eating.

It was easy from that point on. Once I saw that 17 pop up I knew it wasn't worth it. Funny how that works isn't it? I happily ate my oatmeal and went on with my morning.

It pays off to just slow down and think before you eat!

Indianapolis Monumental Marathon Half Marathon - I Did It

Recap to come ...

Reflections of Marathon Training

136 miles

36 hours

This past Sunday I laced up my shoes and headed out in my neighborhood for a six mile walk. It was just like any of the other 30 walks that I've gone on over the past 14 weeks. It was a beautiful fall day and I was listening to my walking playlist on my phone. About a mile into the walk one of my favorite songs from my playlist came on - Mumford & Sons' Roll Away Your Stone. It was then that I started to tear up a little. You see, this six mile walk was my last long walk before my half marathon this Saturday.

I was overcome with emotion. I'm so proud of myself. I don't mind bragging about it. It's quite an accomplishment to train for a marathon. I had absolutely no idea how huge an accomplishment it was until I went through it myself. I started training on Aug. 4. That's nearly three months ago. There are not many things that I can say I stuck to for three months.

On Sunday, I couldn't help but reflect on my three months of training. To remember all the early mornings and late nights of walking. The hours and hours of walking. The majority of my walks were by myself. I'd guess about 25 hours with just me and my walking shoes. When I started my training in August it was too hot to walk outside and now it's so cold some mornings that I need gloves and a hat. It's amazing to me to do something so long that the seasons have changed.

Another thing that I didn't expect was how attached I would become to my walking playlist. I've walked to the same playlist the whole three months. These are songs that for the rest of my life when I hear them I will remember this marathon. There are songs that always make me smile and quicken my pace (Wannamama by Pop Levi and my very favorite song Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis). There are songs that very few of  my friends would have recognized back in August, but now many of them would because it's the theme song to a new, popular television show - 2 Broke Girls (Second Chance by Peter Bjorn And John).

And then there's the song that just recently has made me start crying when it comes on my earbuds. That song is Black Night by the Dodos. I'm listening to this song right now as I write this post and I know why it makes me emotional. From the beginning there's a marching beat to it. It just sounds like I'm walking. The march gets stronger and louder. I can picture myself walking on my neighborhood sidewalks that I spent hours on this fall. Looking down at the concrete, my feet crunching the leaves. The beat gets faster and faster. Then two minutes into the song the singer starts repeating "You want it all. You want to walk. You want to walk. Crack through it. You had it all. You had it all. You had it all." Those words are so powerful to me. Maybe it's the word "walk" or maybe it's "you want it all" but whatever it is, I feel so strong and so proud and in that moment I feel like I can accomplish anything.

But it hasn't all been rainbows and kittens. It's been really hard. My first mistake was the first time I skipped a walk. I managed to go eight weeks before that happened. After I missed that first walk it was much easier for me to miss other walks. I ended up skipping nine of my 39 walks. Four of them were my long walks and that is my biggest regret. But I know I will still kick butt at the marathon so I try not to dwell on that too much.

I missed a week of training after I sliced the bottom of big toe open while camping. I think it's saying something when I'm in a park bathroom at 3 in the morning with blood pouring out of my toe and the tears falling down my face are not because I'm in pain but because I'm afraid I won't be able to participate in my marathon. Luckily, I allowed myself to heal and my toe is just fine. Note to readers: take a flashlight when you walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night in flip flops.

I've walked in rain, scorching heat and brutal winds. I've been chased by dogs and yelled at by people in cars. I've missed out on sleeping in. I've missed out on family time. I've struggled, really really struggled with my weight loss during this training.

But I know it's all been worth it. So very worth it. On Thursday I will pick up my first ever bib number, I will experience carb loading :) and on Saturday I will walk my first half marathon.