Ladies and Gentleman, I am back. (pause for applause)
I have managed to maintain my weight loss for the last three and a half months. But a little thing happened over the weekend that gave me the swift kick in the butt I needed to get back into the weight loss department.
I saw 200 pounds on the scale. It scared the crap out of me.
About ten minutes after the shocking scale reading I realized I had just gotten off and airplane and remembered I ALWAYS gain weight after air travel (what's up with that?) and sure enough, by Sunday morning the scale was back down to 197.8.
But that's all it took. I'm kicking it into high gear now. I'm ready to step on the scale each week and know that I will have a loss.
For those of you who've always wondered what this "clicking" thing is all about, let me try and put into words what's been going on in my head the last few days.
First - we had the 200 pound scale reading I've already mentioned. I was shocked, then scared, then determined that I will not let all the hard work I've put in over the last couple of years go down the drain. This is what started it - the "clicking."
Second - I knew I had to do something about my eating. I never adjusted to the WW Points Plus program that launched in, what was it November?, and I needed a plan. I needed my control back. I decided I needed to start over and that's what I'm doing. When I first started Weight Watchers, the most important thing I needed to do was to relearn how to eat. I did it the easy way. I cut out fast food and I ate WW Smart One frozen meals with the points printed right on the box, and I ate a lot of salads. Once I got control of my eating I started to eat healthier - avoiding high fructose corn syrup and eating organic. I have been so lost with my eating lately that I decided to start over like I did before. I'm eating the frozen dinners, just until I gain my control back and then I will reintroduce the cleaner eating I was enjoying back in the fall. This is what I need to do to succeed and it's working.
Yesterday, I knew I was going to go to the store at lunch to get one of these frozen meals since I hadn't stocked up at the store yet. I decided to go to Whole Foods to pick up a few things. On the drive over I started an inner dialog trying to talk myself into going to Jimmy John's for a sub. Back in the early fall this would have been unheard of, lately it's a daily occurrence. Two weeks ago I had Jimmy Johns for lunch every day. I got to the point where I didn't try anymore. It wasn't that I didn't care, it was that I didn't believe in myself. If I wanted to eat something, I ate it. If I wanted a cookie I ate it, instead of if I wanted a cookie I planned for it. Big difference. I stopped tracking because I would screw up over the weekend and I felt like too much damage was already done to keep track of points the rest of the week. That I would start over on Friday, but then that cycle would start over again.
I started making more frequent trips to places like Chick-fil-A for lunch and indulging in fries. I would get a cookie at McAlisters. But I stayed aware just enough that I wasn't gaining. I was cheating the system. Yesterday, that part of me that tried to sabotage my eating plans was removed from my body. All it took was ignoring the Jimmy John's voice on my shoulder and going to Whole Foods like I planned. I got a salad and a Kashi frozen meal. I felt so strong after my lunch. I had won. *Poof* - that self-doubting devil on my shoulder was gone.
Third - I've missed Zumba. I didn't realize how much until yesterday. The stars have aligned and I knew going into this week that there were no obstacles in my way and I would be able to go to Zumba as much as I wanted. I was really, really excited. I e-mailed a few of my Zumba friends yesterday and told them how excited I was that I was coming back and their support was just amazing. When I was writing my e-mail to them, I added up my exercise totals for 2011 and I've only been to Zumba seven times in 2011. I almost starting crying. That is not me. Zumba is such a big part of my life. It not only makes me stronger physically, but it makes me happy. I need it.
Last night's Zumba class was packed as it usually is for Geraldine's class. I usually stand on the left side of the room but all the front row spots were already taken. I found a spot on the right side of the room next to my friend Nikki. On the other side of me was a girl I recognized, but didn't know. She looked at me and said "I've seen you at the Zumba the past year and you've lost a lot of weight. You look great!" People, I tell you, every time this happens to me I'm shocked and so grateful. Sometimes I forget how far I've come. I've gotten used to how I look now and forget how different I used to look. I had a nice conversation with this woman while we were getting ready for class to start and THIS is what is so great about Zumba. I honestly haven't had this kind of experience in other group exercise classes. There is something special about the people who love Zumba. I've said it before, but if you haven't tried Zumba, please give a try for a few weeks. It's changed my life in so many ways and I hope that will for you too.
Fourth - the magic ingredient with the "clicking" is the one that's the hardest to explain. I'm sure you can understand how seeing 200 lbs. would scare me into doing something, and the steps I took to get my eating under control would build my confidence, and you all know how much Zumba means to me and I can never stay away long. But there is a glue that holds all these things together and I believe it is the key to success.
It's commitment. It's going all in. It's never doubting yourself. It's knowing you will make the right choices. I got that magic ingredient back yesterday. Luckily for me, I knew what it was that I was missing and that I had gotten it back because I had had it before. Over the summer when I lost 27 pounds in six months I was all confidence. The only question I had on Friday morning when I got on the scale was "how much weight did I lose this week?" I was in total control. Food had no control over me. Exercise was as much a part of me as waking up in the morning. It was awesome.
I'm so glad to have that back.
And you know, I truly believe you have to be ready. The last couple of months I've thought I was ready to get back to losing more weight, but I didn't have that magic ingredient. If you read my posts you can see it. It wasn't there. I wasn't ready yet. I'm doing it now. It has "clicked" for me again and I'm so ready to kick some major butt.