Some interesting thoughts entered my head today and some interesting internal examination followed. I don't have any conclusions yet but I'm hoping writing about it here will help me find some answers.
So, if you remember, last week I was out of weekly points two days into my week and had also used 11.5 points that I didn't have available. I ended up getting as much exercise in as I could to make up the difference. I wrote about how I didn't like feeling a lack of control. I wrote how I would end most evenings without any points and how that made me feel. I stressed about the what the scale would show on Friday and when I finally did weigh-in I was elated with my 1.6 pound loss.
This morning I actually thought to myself - I wonder if I would still lose over a pound if I only worked out three days instead of five this week.
It wasn't until about 20 minutes ago that I realized this is a real problem that I need to take care of promptly. I'm less than seven pounds away from the 100s. Why would I want to change anything up now?
What I was doing this morning was trying to talk myself out of going to Zumba tonight. I didn't go yesterday. I had planned to, but I told Jim I would miss it so we could go to 5 p.m. mass instead of 11 a.m. mass. And then we didn't even end up going to mass.
I just had a thought as I wrote out that last paragraph. Was I feeling guilty about missing Zumba last night so much that I was trying to justify not going by concocting this idea that I don't need to work out as much? I think I may be on to something here.
Jim has a meeting tonight which means in order to go to my 6 p.m. Zumba class I have to pick up the kids, run home, change clothes and run to the Y to make it in time. All the while listening to the kids say they don't want to go to child watch. That's the hard part. It would be easier to not go. EASIER.
The thing is, Monday is my favorite Zumba class. I love Trish's classes and I like the 6 p.m. start time because it leaves me with an extra hour at home with the kids and I don't miss out on bedtime. There's also something about starting the workweek out with a good workout too. It's my favorite class of the week. Why would I want to miss it? Because it's easier.
At dinner last night Jim was telling me that he hadn't done well tracking his points over the past couple of days. I had warned him that this would probably happen to him a few months into the program because it happened to me. We talked about it a little. He said things like "I kinda want to see if I can maintain on my own without tracking." and "I'm pretty happy at the weight I'm at right now." Why do I think he wants to experiment with not tracking? Because it's easier.
Last week I ended with eight extra points. Usually I have 20-30 extra points. I had a good loss with only eight points left. You know what thoughts entered my head don't you? I thought to myself - I wonder if I could eat all but ten of my exercise points every week and still lose over a pound.
WHY WOULD I MESS WITH WHAT'S WORKING???
BECAUSE IT WOULD BE EASIER.
Yes, it would be easier to not track points, it would be easier to not measure EVERYTHING, it would be easier to sit down to dinner and eat instead of scurrying to look up point values before I join the family for dinner. It would be easier to pick the kids up from school, go home and relax while Jacob played video games and Gracie played with the neighbors and not workout. I haven't forgotten that all of those things are easier.
But is that what I want?
Is that what I want?
I dont' want that. I want to feel that thrill I get from walking into the Zumba class and walking past all those new faces and going to the front of the room to "my spot." I want to feel like a rock star for knowing all the moves to the songs while the newbies have that look of what is going on here? I want to see my Zumba friends and ask how their day was. She how Fatima is doing with calorie counting. Ask Ashley how her son is doing in preschool and if she found the burgundy ribbon she needs to make the bows for my Gracie. To ask Beth how her new job is going and Shannon how her grandson is. To ask Mary Ellen if Gavin had fun at our house on Friday. To be in charge of Trish's iPod.
I want to make the right food choices. To keep my numbers out of the red all week. To take the guess work and "what ifs" out of the equation. I know what works. I know if I end with 20-30 points for the week I will lose. I also know that if I honestly thought about the fact that two weeks ago my WW point were reduced by 21 points a week because of my weight loss so far that technically I did end last week with 20-30 points. I want to get on the scale every week knowing I will lose.
I DON'T want to mess things up now. It would have been so easy to mess it all up. I'm so glad I decided to write about this. I understand it better now. I know it will probably happen again and I know that I need only to look at what I want to be able to stay on the right path even if it's the NOT the easier path.