I don't want to go to Zumba tonight. I am going to go, but as of this second, I don't want to.
I made arrangements yesterday to have my parents watch the kids while I'm at the Y since Jim's not home tonight. They've been on vacation and I know they're anxious to see them.
Twice today I drafted an e-mail telling my parents that I wasn't going to go to Zumba after all. I had a couple of excuses why, but every time I went to push send I couldn't do it.
Because I know I should go.
Because my parents want to see their grand kids.
Because I'll feel better after.
Because I know I'm just feeling this way because it's been a week since I've Zumba'd and I forget what it feels like.
What I'm feeling right now reminds me of my pre-Zumba days. The constant internal battle to get myself to the gym. Coming up with 10 reasons why I shouldn't go that night. I'll go tomorrow. The kids need me. I'm so tired. I just need a night off. I need to do laundry instead. I need to clean the house. And on and on.
Since I've been home, two of my Facebook friends have posted about Zumba on their pages.
Mary Ellen said "is going for 5th Zumba class in 8 days!! ♥ it and what it is doing for me, inside and out!"
Nichole said "Zumba time! Love it!"
I know in two hours after Zumba is over I will feel the same way as Mary and Nichole. I will be on my Zumba high.
But I wanted to write how I feel RIGHT NOW because I know I will feel it again someday. I want proof of it so I know I'm not alone in the moment and that I can push through it. I'm in control!